Being Pro-Stagnant
Posted by Sarah Mills on Thursday, June 24, 2010
Under: Wonders of Life
I've discovered a very strange state of being. It seems to be very prevalent in those around me, so naturally it must exist within myself as well. I've named this state 'pro-stagnant'. Basically it skips past laziness and skirts around pro-activity, to find itself being actively working towards inaction. Strange. The motivation seems to be a desire for peace and calm, and the vision is one of harmony and enlightenment. However, the actual execution of this state of being is interpreted as simple laziness or advanced rebelliousness. The feeling of being in this state is actually completely against the vision it intends to be working towards. Being in a pro-stagnant state feels like you're working hard towards not working at all. Inevitably it seems self-defeating and completely contradictory.
The insights I've derived from this discovery have been rather different to what I'd expect. I expected that becoming aware of this state would motivate me towards being proactive or achievement-oriented. I even expected that I'd want to get out of it or maybe just feel inspired. However, I've actually found myself questioning the function of this state of being pro-stagnant. All I've learnt so far is a confirmation of how unhelpful it is to set expectations...something I've proved over and over again. In fact, the most useful thing I've learnt from this process is how my inner world works.
I've been confronted with my expectations, yes, but more so I've been thrown into the depths of my mind and dragged around like cousin boneless (Ref. Cow & Chicken). I've ended up fighting with myself about everything. Not the useful kind of questioning, but rather the purely self-destructive endless arguing with my ego of how things should be. Note, that has been particularly frustrating and pointless. Note, do not do this without being prepared.
It has seemed to me that being pro-stagnant is closely related to the ego's relationship to itself. While the ego is that little voice telling you what you should be doing, it's aware that it's giving instructions. The funny thing is that the ego doesn't like being aware of itself because the job of the ego is to keep you unaware. The 'you' it is keeping unaware is not actually you, but the 'self' you represent in your thoughts. Think about it like this: there's you (how you are in the world), then there's yourself (how you are in your mind), and finally there's your ego (the part of you that mediates how you really want to be).
Ok, so your ego keeps your self unaware like a parent keeps you protected. It's helpful to an extent. For example, your ego will create a story to make you the good guy in any situation. It's helpful when you're actually innocent, but unhelpful when you're guilty. See? Alright, well your ego uses the pro-stagnant state of being as a way of diverting your attention towards yourself, rather than towards your ego. For example, when you're searching for the truth about a situation, like if you're the good guy or not, the ego realizes that if you're guilty, it is a potential threat to your self...you don't want to define yourself as a bad guilty person. Then, in order to protect you from this potential threat, your ego will create a pro-stagnant state of being. This pro-stagnant state diverts your attention from the actual events in question, as well as your reflections on your self, and throws you into this random place, like a jail cell.
From this jail cell, all you can do is argue with the guard (the ego) and poke your sleeping self (which is completely sense-less since it exists in your mind, not reality). It seems like a really terrible place to be, and it feels quite horrible too. You can't see out and you can't see it. However I believe I've found what the actual function of this state is...
Let's put a few things together here: have a look at the words just in bold. You can put these words together into many stories. This is the story I get: The function of the pro-stagnant state is to create a protective space where you can completely divert your attention to yourself which is calling for pure insight, while your advanced unconsciousness can perform its function to process information too threatening to your peaceful state of being. It feels like you're working because you actually are, although not consciously. It feels frustrating and horrible because your self wants to be involved but it can't be because on some level it's unable to separate itself from the fear and emotions involved in resolving the crisis. It feels contradictory because you're aware that you're working but you can't prove it to your self.
There are many different ways to manage this state, like objectivity, reason, rationality, disengaging, meditation, acceptance, patience, positive projection, releasing negativity, and many others that will work only for you.
The insights I've derived from this discovery have been rather different to what I'd expect. I expected that becoming aware of this state would motivate me towards being proactive or achievement-oriented. I even expected that I'd want to get out of it or maybe just feel inspired. However, I've actually found myself questioning the function of this state of being pro-stagnant. All I've learnt so far is a confirmation of how unhelpful it is to set expectations...something I've proved over and over again. In fact, the most useful thing I've learnt from this process is how my inner world works.
I've been confronted with my expectations, yes, but more so I've been thrown into the depths of my mind and dragged around like cousin boneless (Ref. Cow & Chicken). I've ended up fighting with myself about everything. Not the useful kind of questioning, but rather the purely self-destructive endless arguing with my ego of how things should be. Note, that has been particularly frustrating and pointless. Note, do not do this without being prepared.
It has seemed to me that being pro-stagnant is closely related to the ego's relationship to itself. While the ego is that little voice telling you what you should be doing, it's aware that it's giving instructions. The funny thing is that the ego doesn't like being aware of itself because the job of the ego is to keep you unaware. The 'you' it is keeping unaware is not actually you, but the 'self' you represent in your thoughts. Think about it like this: there's you (how you are in the world), then there's yourself (how you are in your mind), and finally there's your ego (the part of you that mediates how you really want to be).
Ok, so your ego keeps your self unaware like a parent keeps you protected. It's helpful to an extent. For example, your ego will create a story to make you the good guy in any situation. It's helpful when you're actually innocent, but unhelpful when you're guilty. See? Alright, well your ego uses the pro-stagnant state of being as a way of diverting your attention towards yourself, rather than towards your ego. For example, when you're searching for the truth about a situation, like if you're the good guy or not, the ego realizes that if you're guilty, it is a potential threat to your self...you don't want to define yourself as a bad guilty person. Then, in order to protect you from this potential threat, your ego will create a pro-stagnant state of being. This pro-stagnant state diverts your attention from the actual events in question, as well as your reflections on your self, and throws you into this random place, like a jail cell.
From this jail cell, all you can do is argue with the guard (the ego) and poke your sleeping self (which is completely sense-less since it exists in your mind, not reality). It seems like a really terrible place to be, and it feels quite horrible too. You can't see out and you can't see it. However I believe I've found what the actual function of this state is...
Let's put a few things together here: have a look at the words just in bold. You can put these words together into many stories. This is the story I get: The function of the pro-stagnant state is to create a protective space where you can completely divert your attention to yourself which is calling for pure insight, while your advanced unconsciousness can perform its function to process information too threatening to your peaceful state of being. It feels like you're working because you actually are, although not consciously. It feels frustrating and horrible because your self wants to be involved but it can't be because on some level it's unable to separate itself from the fear and emotions involved in resolving the crisis. It feels contradictory because you're aware that you're working but you can't prove it to your self.
There are many different ways to manage this state, like objectivity, reason, rationality, disengaging, meditation, acceptance, patience, positive projection, releasing negativity, and many others that will work only for you.
In : Wonders of Life